Bank exec on how her same-sex relationship prompted inappropriate questions
A senior figure at United Trust Bank has told how she was quizzed about her sex life by a male broker at an industry event several years ago – simply because she is in a same-sex relationship.
Hannah Oades (pictured), head of network and club distribution at UTB, shared the incident in an interview with Mortgage Introducer, to mark Pride Month. She recalled how the adviser, who was a guest on the same table at an industry event, questioned her about her relationship with her partner.
Oades explained: “He was slightly older than me and said, ‘So how does it work then?’ and I knew exactly what he meant. I replied, ‘What do you mean, how does it work? We're in a relationship, we love each other..’ I knew what he was insinuating but I was trying to be as professional as possible, but also wanted to say, ‘Do you not think this is a bit of a strange topic to be asking someone you don't know?’”
The 31-year-old mortgage executive turned the conversation back on the broker, asking him about his love life with his partner, so that he could get a sense of how inappropriate his line of questioning was. He became flustered. “I said, ‘Well, that’s exactly what you’re asking me. I'm not going to tell you the intimacies, I don't think that's appropriate. But if you really need to know, why don't you Google it?’” Oades remembered. “I thought, ‘If you don't have professional boundaries with someone you don't know, in my position in the industry as well, I can't imagine how you treat people that you think are at a lesser level - have some respect,” especially as we were sitting at a table with other people around him. I probably wouldn't invite him as a guest of ours in the future.”
This pre-occupation with other’s people’s private lives is curious, in Oades’ view. “It's so funny that some people care so much that somebody loves someone else,” she said. “Why does it matter? What matters is conflict, and stealing and criminal activities which harm people. But the fact that one person loves someone else has nothing to do with you anyway. Unless you're in some sort of intimate relationship, you are not involved in this dynamic. I find it such an interesting thing that people are so interested.
“It's always males of a certain age - I've never had a woman ask me - and I get comments like, ‘Oh, you don't look like a lesbian.’ I can say that in my experience so far there has never been any ill intention, but do they ever think about what they’re going to say in advance? I'm not offended, I find it amusing. I'm not shy - I have no problems talking about it, if you're asking out of education because you think your daughter needs some support. That’s very, very different and I would be happy to share some thoughts.”
What makes such incidents and comments like these so extraordinary is that Oades has a wealth of much more pertinent industry insight to share at work events, given her almost five years’ experience with UTB in various management roles, and previously several years at fintech business Twenty7Tec.
Read more: How choosing finance over fashion led to a broker's success
Coming to terms with who she is
It hasn’t always felt quite so easy for Oades to be as open. “To be honest, in the beginning, it's something I was very ashamed of,” she shared. “I was quite young, I was about 17, and it was not accepted at the time. I got a lot of stick for it. I didn't want to be gay. I wanted a husband, and a dog and kids. So to find out that I liked women was just horrifically traumatic, and I didn't want to accept it. I think that naturally made me anxious about sharing, so work was somewhere I really didn't want to come out to anyone, maybe apart from my immediate friends or colleagues. I didn't want to experience any negative outcomes as a result of my sexuality - for myself, but also for the business I was working for, and I wasn't sure if it would impact a company's willingness to work with us.”
Oades’ confidence about being her authentic self has clearly grown over the years. She is supported by UTB and makes herself visible in the sector, particularly for anyone who wants to seek her advice. But even so, she acknowledges that she is still conscious of conforming. “For industry events, I lean into a feminine side, and wear dresses, that in real life I probably wouldn't,” Oades noted. “I want to be approachable, fit in a bit more, and I'm conscious that when I'm representing the business, I want to appear in a way that makes people want to work with us and therefore work with me, because my role is about relationships.”
How welcoming, then, does she believe the financial services industry is to members of the LGBTQ+ community now?
“I think it's changed a lot over the time I've worked in the industry,” Oades said. “I think when I first joined my sexuality was something that I didn't really admit and I think it was a bit taboo or still uncharted waters. But I think nowadays there more of a sense of bringing your whole self to work. I feel like it is very welcoming.”
For anyone who is genuinely interested, Oades, lives with her partner and they have just exchanged on the purchase of their first home. She was initially hesitant about doing this interview with Mortgage Introducer. “One side of me thinks that it isn’t particularly relevant,” Oades said. “But then another side of me is thinks that actually it's about being comfortable, and about the industry being accepting and having equal opportunities for everybody. So, for the sake of trying to fight for equality, I think that's relevant.”
